there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
