is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Floor bacon is actually really good
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