the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Don't tell me you're on acid again
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