yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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