There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
this hospital has no fireball
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Randomize
