9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
