Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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