You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
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