I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
