Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
third nipple confirmed
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
