Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I need mimosas to revive my soul
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
