is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
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