Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Woke up backwards on a recliner
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
