worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
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