I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
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