fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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