His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
