I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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