So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
