so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
