all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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