i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
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