Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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