You made me cry and you don't even care
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
