Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
