shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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