He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
