Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
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she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
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They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
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