I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I will die if light touches me.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
