all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
