I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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