It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Randomize
