I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
