I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Apparently you make a good broom.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Randomize
