I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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