dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Randomize
