i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Randomize
