help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
