You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
