I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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