if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
