Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Randomize
