This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
