if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
