p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
