When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
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