At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
