you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
