So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
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Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
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Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies