Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
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How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
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Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.