Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.