Who wears a wallet chain?!
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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