We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
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