I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize