mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
