So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
