I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
