After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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