WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
