sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Randomize
