I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I'm really into asian looking animals
how can u be prego again
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Randomize
