Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
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