Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
