i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
