You're a womanizer and a bitch.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I am available for nakedness
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
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