Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
wow bdsm is so cute
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
