I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
