Betty ford says i'm here all night
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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