I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
